Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
