Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
