I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
