and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
