another moral hangover. fuck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
