somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
