apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
