Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
