if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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