the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
