Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
