i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
