First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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