hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
