It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
