as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
