is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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