Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i don't like sucking hair
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
