Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
