let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
