she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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