we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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