WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
