so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
