I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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