his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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