there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Congratulations! We have a period
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
