I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
