No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am one with the molecules
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
