it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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