I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
