I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
