and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
