I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
