Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
