You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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