I'm lost and stupid without you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize