He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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