Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its not stalking. its research.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize