i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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