True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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