I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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