I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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