Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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