Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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