TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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