I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
