I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
