Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i think my cat just said my name.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
