Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
