So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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