I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
