i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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