What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
