Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize