Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
