I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
