I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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