i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize