Apparently you make a good broom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He felt like a one man threesome
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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