I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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