Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize