I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
