Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize