We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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