I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
