What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
