It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need moral support for this bender
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
